every day I wake up to the laughter of a group of twenty somethings coming through the window to apartment. It seems like morning or night I am never free from their social ritual of gathering to drink and play their Nintendo Switch ™ system.

This is not the future I had believed videogames had promised me – everywhere I turn someone younger and more attractive with a Nintendo Switch ™ console in their hands. The red, blue and matte black plastic seems like a reminder of my childhood. A perversion of the consoles I once yearned for. A perversion in a good way, like getting offered to try something new for the first time in a bathroom at a house party and coming away feeling good after you throw up in the toilet.

Sorry for equating videogames and drugs, it’s just…hell yeah!

While holed up in my apartment with my eyes being pushed deeper and deeper into my skull by the caustic glow of the tablet I read most of my comics on, I started going back to Warren Ellis’ new reboot of the very 90’s Wildstorm associated universe. The series is called THE WILDSTORM if you aren’t reading it. It’s got all of your pals from the 90’s

Ellis is doing as Ellis does and making everything a down-to-earth sci-fi thriller. I don’t know if that’s really what “Ellis does” but whenever I think of him now that I’m old enough to know what his schtick is all I can think of is trench coats and government operatives. I used to read Freakangels back in the day, and one time I saw that weird supernatural police thriller he wrote at a bookstore, so I’m something of a Warren Ellis expert.

Tell me I’m wrong.

Listen: I’m not saying that it’s bad that that’s his deal.
This is kind of a semi review of the new series THE WILDSTORM by the way. I didn’t read it originally and go “hot shit I gotta review this comic! The world’s gotta hear about another reboot of a property nobody really wanted to come back except the worst kind of comic fans!” 

one or more of these guys might appear! all ya favorites!

There’s a scene in issue #4 of THE WILDSTORM  where a character and another character waltz through a military spy satellite installation owned by a group of aliens. The two characters walk with stiff backs as one is debriefed by the other. “We have science things.” One says, the other responds “We will do the science to the things.” Before suddenly deflating as soon as they’re out of view of the rest of the satellite faculty.

There’s a good line about how we’re all constantly farting here on earth. I get that: you wanna read a comic where a lumpy faced bald guy says we never stop farting….it’s good for that. That part of the book alone takes it from a 1/5 to a 4/5. 

What bothers me though is the sudden descent into Joss Whedon’s trademarked Buffy speak. You could also imagine the line you just read says something about how Brian Michael Bendis always made characters sound identical so everyone Is familiar – it’s the same stuff meant to make everyone seem approachable and funny and carefree.

Warren Ellis has really never been a guy to use something like that in such an apparently straight fashion and then so quickly switch back to the regular way he writes dialogue.

I’ve got a question I can’t think of a good answer to from an “objective” reviewer-y standpoint. A lot of comic reviews come at face value and come off like the person writing the review has no questions or loose thoughts about what they’re reviewing. It stuck with me for a day or two after reading it in a really bad way. Deeply perturbed – I sat and ruminated on that page over and over again with no answer in sight. 

I’m fuckin stuck on Warren Ellis suddenly turning into another writer for two pages. Warren Ellis seems like he could either be the guy who’s at the point in his career he doesn’t mind employing such a cheap literary device for some easy dialogue. I mean – it suddenly changed the entire tone of the previous pages in such an easy way. It seems like a trip that’s way below someone like Ellis’ pedigree though and it sticks out in the middle of the issue for how odd it is.

The other way of reading it is that it’s an easy joke made at the expense of writers who do that with any character anytime they need a joke or something light-hearted no matter how poorly it fits the rest of the conversation.

I don’t know which one is more likely cuz I’m not a soggy old british guy. If I could see inside his bald head I’d probably be able to give you a definite answer on how to read this. Here’s my review of THE AUTHORITY #4:

If it’s the first statement I made about that page, well….it’s a 0. I’m in control here.
If it’s the second statement I made about that page, well…it’s a 4 out of 5 cuz it’s good but doesn’t make me weep with joy upon each turn of a page. I’m leaving it up for you to decide and think about cuz issue #5 is already out and i’m not gettin’ paid to make things easy for you.