The 4th of July is the most American holiday there can be. Unlike other crass grabs at commercialism, the 4th of July has one simple message: Even though everything is fucked up and people are dying, you need to shut up and ignore it and enjoy being an American.
In that spirit, let’s say “hoo boy!” the classic American rallying cry, and look at four of the most Patriotic™ Videogames that a game-player can enjoy this festive holiday season.
5. SPEC-OPS, THE LINE
ARE YOU IN FOURTH GRADE? Do you need to write a paper for Civics that will shock and awe your classmates? here’s something you can learn from this videogame: turns out, heh, that war….is bad. You won’t learn anything else from this videogame. What’s the point in material criticism of war and the military industrial complex when you can instead shock the player with cheap violence and remind them: hey: you did this, fucker. (even though we programmed it, designed it, and are basically the military recruiters in the situation)
If you’re American like me and hate war, but love how it looks and plays, this is the videogame for you!
4. BIOSHOCK: INFINITE
It’s beyond thinkpiecing at this point, folks! This is the game of the century for allies and woke-bros everywhere. The most American thing you can do on the 4th of July is celebrate the belief that there’s no such thing as institutional problems and instead lay the entire blame on individual bad actors.
With a healthy dose of good ol’ American iconography that is no more perverted than you can find at an actual museum in real life, BIOSHOCK: INFINITE is sure to astound and amaze. Crack open a brewskie, develop feelings for your weird anime daughter that are definitely not wholesome and enjoy this one!
3. RAINBOW SIX: SIEGE
You know what else the 4th of July is about? Celebrating diversity. That doesn’t mean something as asinine as respecting different cultures or welcoming people from other countries into ours to give them opportunity, but it does mean that everybody should get a chance to shoot people from other countries!
RAINBOW SIX: SIEGE offers a bevvy of people of color and women to play as. Do you want to strong-armed a group of undefined terrorists hijacking a plane with bullets and explosives? Well now you can do it as a woman! RAINBOW SIX SIEGE: Because in America, representation really means that women should be able to commit war crimes too.
2. CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS
There’s nothing more American than entering into a pointless war caused by bureaucratic incompetence, xenophobia and then losing, but still being utterly convinced that if your friends hadn’t held you back you would have like totally kicked their ass.
Unfortunately BLACK OPS just isn’t that American. It had to dress up its relationship to the Vietnam war under a crass and nostalgic Red-Scare era plot about sleeper agents. How about celebrating a little story about the triumph of good-old red white and blue determination against an enemy threatening to invade it from the inside. America would never undermine a foreign government through propaganda, deception or political maneuvering.
1. BLOODBORNE
There is nothing more American than blood, blood and filth.